As a little girl, I knew that I was destined for royalty. The idea of NOT growing up to be a princess was just absurd. I imagined a handsome foreign prince, inexplicably wandering through our small Texas town, kicking up dust and squashing evil fire ants with his expensive shoes. That is where he would happen upon me, the love of his life, his soul mate. He would whisk me away to his palace, lavish me with jewels and the finest clothing, feed me pate, caviar, fine wines, and other foods I had never actually seen, let alone eaten.
Now, thirty-something years later, it’s happened. I DO live a life of royalty! I’m guessing that you do as well, if you just stretch your imagination a bit. If not, please allow me to enlighten you with five simple ways to live like royalty:
1. I have an abundant collection of jewels, and you can too. My jewelry box overflows with rings, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. Some were lovingly purchased by my daughter from the 25 cent machine at the grocery store. Many were handmade especially for me: braided friendship bracelets and thoughtfully designed necklaces. All of these jewels, meticulously made by tiny hands, are worth more than the Hope Diamond and the Crown Jewels combined.
2. We dine like royalty. Sort of. Instead of pate, we have peanut butter. Instead of caviar, we have frozen fish sticks. Instead of fine wines, we have kool-aid. But it’s still a feast of royal proportions! Oh, who am I kidding – it does usually include wine… does “fine” wine come in a box?
3. I am entertained daily by fabulously talented court jesters:
4. I reign over my kingdom. What mom does not? Truly, nothing more needs to be said here…
5. Finally, what good is a royal life if it does not come with a crown? So, to complete my journey to a royal life, I will be getting my very own crown! My crown will not be made of gold or silver, nor will it be adorned with diamonds, rubies, or emeralds. Instead, my crown will come to me courtesy of my dentist and his horrific whirring gadgets and menacing stabbing needles. Wondering how you can get a crown of your own? It’s simple! Just grind your teeth together relentlessly until one of them finally succumbs to the pressure and cracks. Voila! Your very own crown!
Tonight, my valiant prince will ride up to our castle on his gleaming white steed named Honda Accord. He will tell me of his day spent battling the vicious dragons named Strep Throat, Pink Eye, and Rocks Up Nose. After listening attentively to the tales of his heroic deeds, I’ll wrap my arms around him and thank him for this royal life I lead.
And then, I’ll apologize in advance for next week when I’ll compare my house to a loony bin and myself to the lead orderly. Or, perhaps, the patient?
Your Turn: How do YOU live a royal life?
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